Last night I ended up crawling all over my living room/office trying to find the source of a mysterious ringing noise, which I feared might be all in my head, though it dimmed considerably when I was in the kitchen or the bedroom. After unplugging all my electronics and shutting off every light, it persisted. About to rip out my hair, I turned off the pilot light on the furnace.

Bam, blessed silence.

Nothing is really going right. I went back up on Saturday because I a) couldn't stand the couch anymore, and b) needed to work. My folks just don't get it. I can't take that many days off and I can't work when people are yammering for my attention. I came up and went straight to work, trying to make up for lost time. Left my skin meds at my parents' house, so went to refill the prescription...since it's a brand name, my shit insurance doesn't cover it. Guess how much a good topical acne cream runs in 2011? $200.

I don't know what's more humiliating, the fact that I need acne cream at my age or the fact that my mother had to buy me the acne cream.

"What's the alternative?" she asked. "We can't have you breaking out like you were."

I haven't slept well in days. Worried about stuff, I guess. I cut coffee and most "fun" food out of my diet in an effort to curb what I'm pretty sure are stress-related stomach woes. So far it seems to be working. Cereal and boring sandwiches for the win. I missed coffee for the first two days -- nasty withdrawal headaches -- but now I'm mostly okay. It's the gesture I miss, the concept of brewing myself a pot in the morning. But water or juice are better for me, anyway.

I really just feel horrible lately. I am spinning my wheels, not going anywhere, just maintaining a shitty status quo. Money isn't even the issue, acne meds aside, although I'm having nightmares about taxes. I just really feel like I'm not going anywhere, or doing anything with my life. My friends are all making these grand plans or gaining clients or worldly experience or job offers and I'm just here. Yeah, I make my own hours and I have a wonderful little bird, who I should go wake up, but I'm just...nothing is happening.

I have one main freelance client; if they go, it all goes. I haven't tried to get additional clients for awhile, namely because I don't have any confidence in my abilities and thus haven't posted ads/raised my rates. Not a good mental place for a freelance editor.

I'm guessing this is a funk that will pass, but everything seems horrible lately. I don't know how to fix it.