I went out to Happy Hour with several coworkers tonight. Most of these people I never see outside the office; only two of them are actual, honest-to-goodness friends.

We all had a blast. Really one of the more enjoyable evenings I'd had.

Now I am home, sitting in bed, and I am unbearably lonely.

The loneliness struck me while we were discussing singlehood and virginity (much to the lone male's horror). After my initial Happy Buzz wears off, I inevitably downshift, thinking about life, what's lacking...I turn philosophical. It occurred to me that most of my close friends are in relationships. I'm not. That's usually how it goes - my girlfriends have boyfriends while I don't. That's how it's always been. It's a position I'm used to.

My life is not particularly lacking. I have a loving family, wonderful friends, a great place to live. Maybe it's human nature to dwell on what we don't have. If we are eternally content with the positive, there's no real reason to improve ourselves.

But...sitting at the table, laughing at outrageous jokes in between texting The Contractor about zombies...I realized it had to stop. This weird, in-between thing I'm doing. Because I'm not going home to him, and these silly conversations make me wish I was.

It was a good night. But I feel just...I border on empty right now. I don't know what it is I miss, precisely; it's not "the security" of a relationship, since I never felt secure anyway. But they all went back to someone, or the prospect of someone, and I came here and was just glad I'd left the light on for myself.

I don't know. This is supposed to be the roaring twenties, or something, and I just feel like I'm doing it all wrong.